Vipul Amrutlal Shah is not a name you associate with genius, and yet he has enjoyed a blessed run at the box office with Akshay Kumar headlining all of his previous projects. This time he chose instead to go with Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan. If that didn’t serve as a warning signal, this should have: both actors, well into their forties were playing aspiring rock musicians making it big in…wait for it…London. Anyone who tells me they expected Rock On definitely needs some lessons in controlling their expectations, and yet, this abysmal film did not allow for even the tiniest glimmer of redemption. It is hard to decide whether to talk about the awful awful turn by Ajay Devgan or the uselessness of Ranvijay Singh and the other joker whose name I really couldn’t be bothered to find out. Or should I instead turn to the absolutely nonexistent screenwriting and the despicable dialogue. I actually really enjoyed a couple of tracks from the album, but even the music of Shankar Ehsaan Loy and the sometimes enjoyable, sometimes hammy performance of Salman Khan couldn’t save this film from being a disaster. As a parting note, would someone PLEASE tell me what Asin’s exact role in the band was, or should I resign to Ranvijay’s inane brief to her about “playing along” or whatever?

9.       Tum Mile

Now not a lot of people had big expectations from this film. I didn’t either. Until I heard the plot. They were taking the crazy cloudburst that all but drowned Bombay on the 26^th of July, 2005 (and incidentally had me stranded away from home for 48 hours also), and unlike most event based films, using it as just a backdrop to tell a love story. All I have to say after sitting through the 140 minutes of this nightmare is, what a bald faced lie! I don’t even want to go to the synopsis, or the clear lack of direction, because essentially, the film had NOTHING to do with its premise, and was used only to lure people into watching the movie. If I ever met the makers of all the world’s most terrible cinema in one room, Vishesh Films will be the ones I’d most want to sue for my admission fee and that valuable part of my life. Suffice to say the film made absolutely no sense, and even to date has me seething in rage.

8.       What’s Your Rashee?

This is going to be the shortest of my rants, I think. I watched this movie to see twelve Priyanka Chopras, but I didn’t realize I would see absolutely NOTHING else. The longest bore-fest I have ever sat through, I am genuinely curious to know who seconded Ashutosh Gowariker’s harebrained idea to include a separate LONG song for each incarnation of Chopra or who thought that telling a story of a plan to usurp money by marrying someone you barely know would be wholesome entertainment. And yet, the biggest question remains why I didn’t walk out of the cinema ten minutes into this film. God knows I won’t get those hours back again. Ever. Again.

7.       Paa

Paa is another conundrum for me. On the one hand, I really do think that Paa has some of the finest acting this year in cinema. On the other, it is only painfully obvious from movies such as Devdas, that good acting is not enough to make a film. Not only did Paa have a painfully weak script, but also it fell into all the trappings of dialogue writing and ended up being too clever for its own good, or at least too clever for my enjoyment. The repartee, especially by Auro’s bespectacled friend in the movie, in fact, gets grating for you, and even Auro, played cleverly by Amitabh Bachchan is too astute a twelve year old towards the end. And my biggest issue with the film of course, was its paralyzing climax. If I had to sum up my problems with the movie, I’d say it was mainly the last half hour or so, which could be called “the painfully long and so unfunny dying of Amitabh Bachchan, Auro and my faith in God."

6.       Dil Bole Hadippa

If I had to rank DIl Bole Hadippa simply as a movie, it’s be somewhere at the bottom of the pile, much below Paa. The reason it ranks as a greater disappointment is because I had greater hopes, or at least different hopes from it. Whilst I watched Paa knowing that it would be a pretentious film, I deluded myself into believing DBH would be a good film. Call me a schmuck, but when a talent like Rani Mukherjee makes a film after a long gap, I cannot help but expect entertainment. And on that count, it let me down. It also let Mukherjee down in fact, who ended up being the only one not culpable for lulling me into a comatose state through this snooze fest.

5.       Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahaani

Now this one and the next are a little complicated. I’d like to reiterate that this isn’t a list of the worst films of 2009, but the films that disappointed me the most. I actually laughed quite a bit the first time I watched the film, not because it was hilarious, but because it was innocent, clean fun, and both the leads were very comfortable with the material. And yet, being the comedy follow up by Rajkumar Santoshi to Andaz Apna Apna, which is a cult classic and sheer comedic genius, this film doesn’t come close to matching up. I watched it the first time and enjoyed it, but by the second viewing, it did get a little arduous.

4.       3 Idiots

Once again, a film that I didn’t hate, just felt HUGELY disappointed by. From the outset I had tempered my expectations from this film, especially because both Aamir Khan and Rajkumar Hirani had disappointing last films (Ghajini and Lage Raho Munnabhai). And yet, somewhere in the midst of it becoming the highest grossing Indian film (I have issues with that tag as well, but that’s another story), and getting superlative reviews, I did get drawn into the excitement. My fault, I know! Apart from the brilliant Aamir Khan, who outdoes himself over and over, this film was poorly written, clichéd, uninspiring and just a tad too preachy. It had some fantastic moments, most of them courtesy Aamir, but that doesn’t save the film, not for me at least.

3.       Love Aaj Kal

Before 3 Idiots came along, I believe this was the highest grossing film of the year. This was also amongst the most fresh stories I’d come across. Imtiaz Ali has a very fascinating way of treating the same basic love story. Whether it was Socha Na Tha or Jab We Met, he brought out the fun of being in a relationship, with witty dialogue, intelligently written situations, subtle comedy and honest writing. In Love Aaj Kal, he made his most ambitious work, with parallel plots and a modern narrative. None of it came together cohesively though, and what could have been an edgy film ended up melodramatic and boring. It didn’t help that he cast a forty year old man who looks his age opposite a twenty something who acts her age. None of it worked, and even though it wasn’t Tum Mile bad, it became bleh, and isn’t that a worse fate for a film?

2.       Rocket Singh – Salesman of the Year

Yet another film I was whetted to watch. And yet another film I wish I had less hope from. Much like Imtiaz Ali, Shimit Amin fell prey to the third film curse. After making two diametrically opposite films in Ab Tak Chhappan and Chak De!, he tried to make a simple smart film. Some of the film was intelligent, some of it too intelligent, and most of it overwhelmingly soporific. Ranbir Chopra tries to be earnest, Gauhar Khan is definitely the most effective, but none of it can change the fact that this isn’t entertaining. I thought Jaideep Sahni did a fine job of the office humor and lingo in the beginning of the movie, but it didn’t add anything to the film, which tried to balance the beam between mainstream and art, and remain socially relevant (read: preachy). In the end, Kapoor, Amin, Sahni and Yashraj ended up in the mess of its box office failure. And I get it. I do.

  1.   Delhi 6

Finally, the biggest debacle of the last year: Delhi 6. A film that had amongst the best music scores of the year, crazy buzz, and the burden of being the follow up to Rang de Basanti. Personally, I got the film. I loved the intent of Rakyesh Omprakash Mehra and thought it was definitely a relevant theme. I wish he had worked on the script more though. It was choppy, and unremarkable, even annoying in bits. And the lead casting was an awful mess. To say that I enjoyed Waheeda Rehman the most in the movie should say it all, considering she had a measly three scene part.

For many, the last words on the GOAT (greatest of all time) debate were said when Federer claimed his 15^th Grand Slam title and decimated the record everyone thought would stick. This especially was momentous because Federer only just buried his demons in the red clay at Roland Garros. And yet, there are some records, perhaps not as significant, but substantial enough to motivate the champion to enter this year with the requisite hunger and desire.

The two records that’d place Federer in a league of his own: a) 7 Singles titles at Wimbledon, currently held singularly by Sampras, and b) the highest number of weeks at the top of the World Rankings, also held by Sampras.

The two time periods to look for these records to (hopefully) fall:

14^th June, 2010 (Highest number of weeks at the top). Possibly just after the Garry Webber Open at Halle.

4^th July, 2010 (Tie for highest number of Wimbledon titles).

Will these targets be enough to bring out the best in Federer? Check back on the aforementioned dates.

2.       A Ladies Singles Field to Look Out For:

Serena Williams is at the top of the rankings. Kim Clijsters the defending US Open titlist. Maria Sharapova is back to tennis full time. Dinara Safina is on the comeback trail. And the biggest news of all: Justine Henin is back in the game. What happens to Ivanovic, Who’s going to win what? Who’s going to disappoint? Will we finally find a real number 1? Big questions, and a very big year, as after two years of scrambling for a real dominator, women’s tennis is back in the big league.

3.       Del Potro the successor or Djokovic the victor? Is Murray even in the conversation?:

After shocking Federer in the US Open final and making it to the final of the ATP World Tour Final, Juan Martin Del Potro, at 22 years of age, is at the right stage to distinguish himself from the rest of the field. Definitely in contention to make himself available for the podium at at least two Grand Slams this year (French and US Open), Del Potro could be poised to take over the reign (if that will happen ever again in the VERY competitive men’s field) if and when Federer and Nadal do move on from tennis. Will he? That’s another question.

Djokovic had an awful start to the year, an incredibly heartbreaking clay court season (coming so close so many times), became irrelevant through the third quarter of the year, and making a strong statement towards the end. He deprived Federer of his home title at Basel, and destroyed Nadal en route to winning the Paris Masters. Even though he couldn’t qualify for the semi-finals at the ATP World Tour Finals, he made light work of Nadal yet again, and was the only man to beat eventual victor Nikolay Davydenko. He could not defend his Australian Open title or his ATP World Tour Final Title last year, and he has the hunger to go the extra step. After a patchy 2009, could this be the year Nole rises above the number 3 ranking he’s steadfastly held three year ends in a row? Only time will tell.

Andy Murray. Perhaps over-estimated, or maybe under-achieving, Andy Murray is on the brink and depending on where the scales tilt, could either be headed for greatness or be marooned in Henman land for evermore. They said he would win Wimbledon. He didn’t. He said he has made a habit of beating Federer, and yet lost on the two most significant meetings they’ve had this year, at the Cincinati Masters semi-final and the ATP World Tour round-robin. With amongst the greatest natural games in current tennis, Federer still believes that Murray has never beaten him on his terms. And when Federer says something, I for one, believe it.

4.       Nadal and the question. Is a fat lady singing?:

I like Rafael Nadal. I didn’t before, for reasons more than one, but when he hugged the crying Federer on the podium after the Australian Open, and when he fought and fought through the craziest semi-final against Verdasco, and when he had another mind-numbing clay court season, owning everything all over Europe, I couldn’t help it, I was firmly in his corner. A great guy, a superlative tennis talent, an awesomely hard working player evolving his game and dominating for a while the best that there could be, Nadal was winning the world over. Agassi said there could finally be a player who could win the calendar year Grand Slam, and it wasn’t Federer as we all had wished. And then there was Madrid. Nadal lost to Federer, and whilst we all exhaled for Federer’s lone victory, we couldn’t estimate what would happen next. Losing to a resurgent Soderling in the French Open, Nadal seemed wounded, but no one really worried. Until the break, the tendinitis and his inability to defend his Wimbledon crown. What followed was a painful recovery and some heartbreaking losses in the last part of the year. He lost his number one ranking, but did he lose his confidence? Will Nadal hold firm, or is he going to end up like the man whose records he chased (Bjorn Borg). It will be interesting to see how the year pans out for him, starting with his defense of the Australian Open. And tennis lovers everywhere will be hoping for him to find his way back on the road to the highest echelons of sport greatness.

5.       Four Grand Slams. Eight Titlists?:

2010 may be the year when the men’s field suddenly widens. For years now, Federer has had a stranglehold on the Grand Slam circuit, making it to 20 out of the last 24 finals, winning 14. In 2009, he faced four different opponents at four different events, winning and losing equal number of times, with three out of four matches going to the fifth set. And yet, as 2010 opens, Federer is entering his 29^th year, and the odds are stacked against him. Can he hold on to his omnipotence on the big stage, or will it be a year when anyone can win anything? Almost everyone has a strong chance this year, with Djokovic making a strong case for the hard courts at the Australian Open and US Open, Del Potro with a chance at the French and a possible defense of the US Open, and Murray and Roddick always lurking at Wimbledon. Nadal of course will, depending on the extent of his recovery, remain a threat throughout the year.